There are a few fixes I can see in the journal entry. The first sentence just doesn't look right to me. Specifically the "has a fierce temper" part. It seems like it needs an 'and' or 'also' before it, maybe even 'known to have a fierce temper' instead. You also have an extra "and" at the end. "and and the splashing of the magikarp . . ." As far as the drawing goes, I like the realistic portrayal, it is very terrifying. It almost looks like some kind of monster out of a mythology movie.
Unexpected, but as always well written as well as well sketched. I was expecting him to nearly get hit by a raging Gyrados and writing all about how he caught the beauty of the creature's movement all the same. I find your mention of the red Gyrados quite amusing, though I doubt no one was able to catch it or at least a mention of a golden Magikarp in the story. All in all one of your more impressive depictions, and if I could suggest something, perhaps a group of Evee or Chansey to brighten things up. Your fan, Kymvros.
The last sentence sounds odd to me. I think it's because you start a new paragraph (at least as much as it can be a paragraph with only one sentence) and say "the beast" without first mentioning Gyarados in order to establish what the beast is. While it is quite obvious, it still irks me a little grammatically.
Magnificent as always. I think I'd have preferred larger eyes and a longer "snout", but that's merely my own personal preferences, I believe. This is quite the suitably terrifying rendition of Gyarados- was the mouth inspired by the angler fish?
Okay so a couple of things. One, I changed the spelling of "trembled". Two, I fixed the last sentence to mention the Gyarados vs. "beast" and... finally, with the " ' ", I changed it to how you mentioned and then someone messaged me and stated I was again wrong. Sooo I changed it again. However I have a friend of mine getting her doctorate in English so I am going to leave it how it currently is and wait for her edits to come through. If you see any other changes though especially with spelling let me know. THANKS!!!
TLDR - Fixed, fixed, and fixed again.... WHAT?! LOL
I think it's a plural vs. singular thing. If you're referring to multiple males, it'd be "males'", one male and it's "male's". Since you said "a male" and "the female", I assumed that you were using, for example, the singular form of male such that it stood for all Gyarodos males, like how (and this isn't really the best example, but I think it should be understandable, at least) you might say that "A man has his pride", where the man being referred to stands for all men. I think either way would work so long as you used "the" instead of "a", but that's what I thought.
I don't have a degree in English at all whatsoever, but I've researched grammatical rules for creating other languages (you have to know the rules to break them ;D) so I know a little about it. Plus, I'm just a grammar nazi in general, so it's practically an ingrained instinct.
(I didn't mentioning this before, but I've always favored using the term "whiskers" to describe a Gyarados's tendrils. It's not important enough to require changing, but I just felt like mentioning it.)
scary. then again thats the point of these large serpents. is it sad that i love watching people freak out when i let loose my gyarados to battle or just for him to get some time outside of his pokeball. luckily for me he has a soft spot for my friends milotic so so long as she's around he behaves himself. not that he missbehaves too much it helps that i've had him since he was a majikarp. they're much more obedient if you've raise them up to evolving instead of catching them in the wild.
Will the group witness any legendary Pokemon on their travels? This is by far my favorite peice you've done so far. I do have to wonder what kind of culture the natives represent? And not trying to ask to many questions but, could you please explain how pokeballs work? It's just doesn't make sense. Any ways, still extremely awesome, keep it up!
Well, ill try to answer your questions the best I can. First, yes as in tying to keep "true" to most all Pokemon stories, there is actually a legendary trio in my story as well. I don't want to give that away just yet but the time is coming for some hints. Next, The natives are from Africa. Or at least Africa based. I am not sure I wanted to actually reference a real culture or tribe, but I can say that they are based on a conglomerate of the tribes based in the South of the continent. Finally, I do have some concept work for Pokeballs but haven't found an interesting or possibly unique way to make it work. I can say that the Pokeballs in my region are strictly based off of the Apricorn.
I hoped this helped. If you have anymore questions feel free to ask.
I debated with adding the body completely and even thought about doing more than one Gyarados page, however, I decided in the end that this kind of gives you a sense of what the Pokemon entails and that little bit to the imagination is more than I could complete.
If there was a regular pokemon that would spark a fearful legend about it, Gyarados would be it. Marvelous job, I must say. This entry really shows how you've not only portrayed them in a real world setting, but how they would impact a real world early civilization. Marvelous job.
Thanks! I took a lot of time trying to figure this one out. Especially since this is one of the Pokemon that doesn't exactly co-relate to a real life animal that we as humans know it!! I appreciate the compliment!
Terrifying to be sure, though the eyes don't do it for me. They suit a creature that lives at the ocean floor rather than a fierce predator that surfaces frequently. If you were to draw gyarados in such a fashion again, I'd recommend looking up things like sharks or other open water predators when doing the eyes.
Gyarados is one scary pokemon. I don't think people quite realize just how scary this thing really is. As you put in the description up there, it doesn't like to stop a rampage until it destroys everything around it. That's crazy scary. Awesome entry here. Can't wait for more.