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UntitledBaruti awoke from his dream to a loud bang. The impact was such that it knocked a few photographs off the wall. They were in older frames that splintered as they hit the floor. Small clouds of dust shot into the air and the glass that protected the memories of the past shattered and spread across the hardwood floor like splinters of ice. He cleared his throat and looked around. Everything was a blur and he couldn't make out what was happening. "What's going on?!" He said to himself. The commotion was getting louder and the sounds of pounding footsteps could be heard racing up the stairway to his quarters. The door to his bedroom swung open wi

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Details

Submitted: March 18, 2012
Image Size: 1.1 MB
Resolution: 1400×1000
Submitted with: Sta.sh

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Field Guide: Pg. 33 Gyaradosby *CasteelArt

Cartoons & Comics / Traditional Media / Comics / Mixed Media

Critique by ~kymvros Mar 27, 2012, 7:08:23 PM

Unexpected, but as always well written as well as well sketched. I was expecting him to nearly get hit by a raging Gyrados and writing all about how he caught the beauty of the creature's movement all the same. I find your mention of the red Gyrados quite amusing, though I doubt no one was able to catch it or at least a mention of a golden Magikarp in the story. All in all one of your more impressive depictions, and if I could suggest something, perhaps a group of Evee or Chansey to brighten things up.
Your fan,
Kymvros.

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Critique by ~T0RUS Mar 18, 2012, 12:32:34 PM

There are a few fixes I can see in the journal entry. The first sentence just doesn't look right to me. Specifically the "has a fierce temper" part. It seems like it needs an 'and' or 'also' before it, maybe even 'known to have a fierce temper' instead. You also have an extra "and" at the end. "and and the splashing of the magikarp . . ." As far as the drawing goes, I like the realistic portrayal, it is very terrifying. It almost looks like some kind of monster out of a mythology movie.

Keep up the good work, I love these journals!